It’s 2018 and I’m probably going to get a lot of snark for this…but I don’t care.
As Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, I noticed how many women think about themselves. Why should attention just be on me, why not we?
There’s a certain page out of the 1950’s handbook on how to treat our husband’s that makes the rounds around social media. It doesn’t get received very well even in vintage enthusiast or conservative groups.
I can be sympathetic because what if you don’t have the easiest or most loving relationship? While that’s one thing, that’s an exception to the rule and the trouble with society is that they focus excessively on the exception treating the smallest percentage as the overwhelming majority.
We live in a time where we aren’t as scrutinized as women were back in the 1950’s. While it might be unrealistic to follow this page down to the letter, it’s not unrealistic to lose the main idea. Think about it. We relaxed and sometimes by a lot, but not to the point where we shouldn’t not have standards over our relationships and family life.
I mean, are we really reaching for the stars?
Here it is:
Let’s get over this point by point with my input:
- Have dinner ready – As many women work and spouses find themselves working odd hours, this gets complex but it isn’t impossible. It just means you have to get creative! Grocery shop and plan your meals in advance and have one meal prep day. I grocery shop and plan my meals in advance, but I also buy frozen dinners or make enough of one meal to help out the other if one of us is working late or sick. Food has always served as the cornerstone that brought families together. It can sometimes be the only quiet time you have so that’s why it’s important to plan wisely.
- Prepare yourself- Think about this one. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Who usually gets home first? Okay. Now would you want to walk in the door after a long day of work and what else be to hear a laundry list of errands and problems from your spouse? Don’t make your problems the highlight of the evening or even the highlight, just something that gets handled and it will. It it’s truly bothersome, I like what my mother-in-law says about problems…”give it to God. He’ll be up all night, anyway.”
- Clear away the Clutter: Same as number two. I’m not referring to cleaning marathons every day, but tidy. Tuck everything in its home at night and create order.
- Prepare the children – Remember the old expression, “get washed up before supper?” Children are mirror images of us. After all, the apple rarely falls far from the tree.
- Minimize all noise – If you have to run a vacuum or the washing machine, that’s one thing. But try to turn off the television and put down your phone at least for an hour or two and at dinner to give your family real attention.
- Make him comfortable – Men work hard and they often do it for their families. It’s very tempting to feel jealous of where your friends are going for anniversaries and birthdays, but if you can think of all of the times your spouse has been there for you….I don’t think it’s asking too much of you to respect him in some of his wishes.
- Listen to him – There’s no “me” in relationship or marriage. It should go both ways but it only can be like that if there’s mutual respect.
- Make the evening his – This doesn’t mean it’s going to be all about him, but think about how hard he works. Men are always thinking far more than we realize. We can learn a lot more when we start listening and learn to respect each other.
Family is one of the most important social circles in your life. By gaining each other’s respect, a home becomes a place of peace and solitude even with children. There’s a reason why marriage is considered martyrdom because the ego dies as you put your life into another’s hands.
Many couples aren’t truly ready despite mincing words and beautiful vows. It’s a process… but a beautiful one.
If you’re offended, you may not be ready for marriage or you may want to consider counseling.